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"December Love"Written By: Helen
Warnings: Post-EW, OOC, Flashbacks, Angst (with
some Sap, Fluff, and WAFF) Pairings: 1+2+1 Spoilers: Bit of EW (Heero’s dream) Archives (Please Ask First): My homepage: <http://www.geocities.com/aomurasakiai> Rating: PG-13 Author's Notes: Ah finally another songfic. In
my opinion this is a perfect song and seeing that winter is my favorite
season, I’ve been dying to use this. Gackt-sama really did an
excellent job coming up with just a… WAFF-filled song. *melts*
Just beautiful. Don’t ask me where all the angst came from…
*whistles innocently* Summary: Winter arrives once again during the
peaceful times after the Eve Wars and two ex-pilots strengthen the
bond they have with each other. Special Thanks: Deb… who goes above and beyond
her “duty” as a beta. I’m forever grateful to you! Dedication: Veste Notus for your Winter Theme
Contest at MYA and to everyone, wishing you “Happy Holidays!” Songfic Notes:
December Love
Heero gradually came into consciousness and immediately reached for Duo even before he opened his eyes. However, his hand met with the cool sheets of the bed so he opened his eyes and took a glance to confirm the empty spot beside him. Duo must have left the bed quite a while ago. But he wasn’t afraid… not anymore. After the Eve Wars had ended 3 years ago, the unruly haired ex-pilot was having a lot of difficulty deciding what to do with himself now. He felt lost and afraid, knowing that his services as a soldier weren’t needed anymore. Heero didn’t know how to face society and the world outside of missions. But Duo came into his chaotic life and had been able to stabilize him. [START FLASHBACK] Heero sat up in his bed, his hands clenching the blanket. “I hate this… Hate it,” he hissed out. It had been months since his recovery from the last battle. The final battle. He had ended the wars for good and now his Gundam was gone, destroyed. His laptop was still sitting on his desk but he knew he would no longer hear the beep of an incoming mission. His gun was still kept under his pillow but he knew he would never have to use it again. His duffle bag, filled with his clothes, was at the foot of his bed but he knew… he knew… This peace was suppressing him, making him feel so useless. He didn’t train as hard as he once did; for those skills weren’t needed anymore. Those skills were deteriorating within him and he had no incentive to sharpen them. It frustrated him, slowly driving him to insanity. He wanted to… release this rage. And top it all off, his self-control was failing. It wasn’t long until he snapped. The doorbell sounded throughout the silent apartment and Heero angrily threw off the covers and padded to the door. The chain lock on the door prevented him from yanking it open but the strong Japanese teen almost tore the chain off the door frame “Whoa, careful there.” Heero looked up to see Duo Maxwell peeking inside through the partly opened door. Shutting it, Heero wrestled with the chain lock until it came off, then he opened it again before walking away, not even inviting Duo to come in. The braided teen did anyway, however cautiously, closing the door behind him. “Uh… did I catch you at a bad time?” Ignoring the question, Heero just pointed to the couch. Duo nodded, taking a seat at one end while Heero sat at the other. Silence reigned in the room for a moment longer until Duo spoke again. “So how are you Heero? It’s been a long time since I last saw you.” Receiving no reply, he sighed heavily. “Still your old talkative self I see.” Duo smiled at his long time partner but it faltered a bit when he saw the question in the glare that was directed at him. Swallowing, he tried not to squirm on the couch. “I just wanted to know how you were doing. You know… coping with this,” he said while gesturing in the air. Curiosity flickered through Heero’s glare. //Duo?// “What I mean is… this peace. I‘m not sure about you but when the first war ended, I didn’t know what to do. The war was the only constant thing in my life. To suddenly be without it… it’s just… different.” Duo chuckled nervously before continuing. “Even after all these months, I still feel…” he trailed off. “Like you’re useless?” Heero cut in quietly. //Duo…// “Yeah… Like a part of you is dying without the war.” //He…// “Aa.” //He understands…// “Yeah well… sorry to bother you.” Duo got up from the couch. “I was just wondering how you were doing.” The Japanese watched him head towards the door, his heart pounding in his throat. “I’ll see you again some time, ne?” he said, grinning. The braided ex-pilot grasped the doorknob and as he was about to turn it, Heero got up from the couch. “Wait.” Duo stopped and turned around slowly, facing Heero again. Even though the other’s head was bowed causing unruly hair to fall over cobalt blue eyes, violet eyes softened when they saw the slightly trembling fists. It was then that Duo knew that Heero was suffering through this time as well… suffering the fact that they weren’t needed anymore. The ex-pilot of Wing Zero continued to stand there, unable to voice the growing emptiness he was feeling within. Ashamed of the weakness he was showing, Heero couldn’t even face Duo when the other walked up to him. All he felt was Duo grasping both his shoulders for a moment before he was pulled into a firm embrace. His breath hitched. “D…Duo…” “I understand Heero. Just… let me… You are not useless.” It was only those simple words of reassurance that broke through Heero’s self-control. His arms came up immediately to crush the braided boy against him. [END FLASHBACK] They’d been together ever since, just two lost soldiers helping each other cope with the reality of peace. Duo had moved into Heero’s apartment and they discovered new things about the other that they had kept hidden during both wars. In the beginning, it was unintentional as painful memories surfaced through frightening nightmares. [START FLASHBACK] ~~~ “Help me!” It was the girl! Heero ran heedlessly into the burning flames, glancing around frantically. “Where are you? Answer me!” Heero shouted, tossing scorching debris away. “Heero, help!” The unruly haired Japanese jerked his head up at the lower sounding voice. “Duo? Duo?!” Fear gripped Heero’s heart as he tried to find his companion. He ran upstairs, avoiding the falling rubble from the ceiling. There he saw Duo, pushed back into the corner of a room by the large fire. Heero tried to get to the braided boy but the flames prevented him. “Duo!!” Heero shouted, attempting to run through the fire but it seemed to roar higher, keeping him back. “Heero…” Duo stretched out his hand and Heero did the same. The fires disappeared and they were both bathed in white light, floating in midair as they reached out to each other. Heero sighed in relief. He was almost there… *CRASH* Everything shattered. Heero’s feet met with the ground again and there before him was a large, damaged mobile suit, lying on its side. He inhaled a trembling breath and dared to look around, his heart pounding. A piece of black clothing. A golden cross. A braid. A severed braid… “No…” Heero stumbled back. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “NOOOOOO!!!!!!! DUO!!!” Heero bolted up in his bed, tears streaming down his face, his breathing erratic. Cobalt blue eyes were wide with fear as the mind remained locked in the dream. Duo burst through the door to his friend, slightly rumpled from hastily getting out of bed upon hearing Heero’s cries. He was met with quite a scene. Heero seemed to be in shock. Quickly going over to seat himself on the other’s bed, he grabbed the Japanese teen’s shoulders. “Heero? Heero!” Duo shook Heero’s shoulders but it had no effect as the unseeing eyes continued to water. “Focus Heero!! It’s me, Duo!” Recognition flashed through cobalt blue eyes. “D……Duo…” “That’s right. Duo. I’m here,” the braided teen assured him. What he didn’t expect was Heero throwing his arms around his neck and almost cutting off his air supply as he was pulled into a tight hug. But then again… he never expected the former Perfect Soldier to cry either… like he was doing now. “Hey… it’s ok. Just a nightmare. It’s over now.” Duo tried his best to comfort Heero by whispering soft words and rubbing circles over the other’s back. It seemed like an eternity had passed when Heero’s grip finally loosened and he passed back into slumber. Duo gently laid him back onto the soft pillow. He padded into the bathroom and wetted a washcloth, wringing out the excess water. //Never thought I’d ever do this.// Duo thought to himself as he wiped Heero’s tearstained face. When he'd finished he shed his shirt, feeling uncomfortable with the damp spot on his shoulder. He was about to turn away when Heero stirred. “Hey buddy. You okay?” Duo whispered, leaning over him. The only response he received was Heero grasping onto his braid and tugging at it. “Stay with me.” Duo gave a small, albeit nervous, chuckle. “I am, aren’t I? It’s not like I have anywhere else to go,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. “No…” Heero sat up, facing the other boy. “Stay with me,” he repeated, staring intently into wide violet eyes. “Don’t leave me.” Duo blinked incredulously before smiling slightly. “H-Heero… what you’re asking… I can’t give you as a-a… a friend.” Seeing Heero lower his head, he pushed on quickly. “However, I can be more than just a friend… if you want?” Heero’s lips quirked upward. “Please?” Duo couldn’t help but smile too. [END FLASHBACK] That had begun their relationship and was also the first night they slept together in the same bed. It was those first couple of times when Duo had woken up before him that Heero had been afraid. But gradually that fear had subsided since Duo had never shown any indication of leaving… ever. Smiling at his memories, despite them being painful at times, Heero sat up and noted the cold morning air. Leaving the blankets unfolded and rumpled on the bed, (which was *not* Heero Yuy’s style), the Japanese ex-pilot went over to the window and threw open the shades. Peering outside, sudden warmth flowed within him and he smiled at the scenery. It was snowing. Heero had seen this act of nature many times before but he'd never really taken the time to appreciate it. He even harbored bad memories of it, memories that associated with the wars and… that mission… He was startled out of his brooding thoughts when he felt a pair of arms gently wrap themselves around his waist and pull him backwards against a firm chest. Heero looked up into sparkling violet eyes and a smiling heart-shaped face. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Duo asked, referring to the snow beginning to cover the city below. Heero glanced back outside, truly seeing it for the first time. “Aa… it is.” They stood like that, savoring each other’s presence. Heero leaned his head back against Duo’s shoulder. Ever since Duo had become “more than his friend”, he always felt content just being together with him. Lowering his eyes, Heero wondered where he would be now if he hadn’t stopped the braided teen from leaving that day. He knew that he certainly wouldn’t be the affectionate person he’d become. He wouldn’t have Duo with him right now, holding him. And he would be spending yet another day alone… “What are you thinking about?” Duo whispered as he moved his arms up from Heero’s waist to the other’s chest. Heero shook his head. “Nothing,” he reassured the braided teen. Turning his head slightly, he bestowed a soft kiss on the other’s lips. It lasted no more than a few seconds before it was broken. Duo reached up and caressed Heero’s cheek. “How do I deserve someone like you?” Duo asked quietly. “I should ask myself that,” Heero replied, just as softly. Duo smiled and kissed him once more before pulling away. “Come on, let’s get changed.” Heero looked questioningly at the other boy, but at Duo’s reassurance, he didn’t ask. ~~~20 minutes later~~~ Duo turned the heater in the car higher. He really must remember to buy gloves for the both of them. Last year he remembered the earmuffs and the year before that he remembered the scarves but it always seemed to be the gloves that slipped his mind. Heero was rubbing his hands together on his lap. Duo shook his head because he knew that Heero thought that putting your hands up near the vents was a sign of weakness against the cold. It was an absurd thought. The unruly haired boy’s hands were smaller than his own so they tended to get cold faster. The braided teen reached over and placed his right hand on both of Heero’s slightly chilled ones. “Arigato,” Heero said with a hint of appreciation in his voice. They reached downtown and by that time the snow was falling constantly. Decorations were up for Christmas: reds and greens, candy canes and snowmen, Santa Claus and his elves… it was just perfect for the holiday season. The streets were packed with people, leaving their own set of foot prints behind as they walked from one store to the next, breathing out white puffs of frozen breath. [itsuno ma ni ka machi no naka ni juuni-gatsu no awatadashisa
ga afure] Driving a bit further, Duo pointed at the entrance of a small restaurant. “Heero, wait for me in there. I’ll find a parking spot.” Heero looked back in mild surprise. “You don’t have to Duo,” Heero said firmly. Duo just shook his head. “The cold doesn’t bother me as much. Just reserve us a spot before they run out.” He grinned and Heero just nodded, getting out. Duo watched him go inside before driving to the parking lot. ~~~Inside~~~ Heero twisted his hands together. He'd never thought that he was so vulnerable to the cold before. He’d been through blizzards with just his tank top and spandex shorts and he had been just fine. Bringing his hands up to his mouth, Heero thought that perhaps it was because he finally let himself feel… Duo came into the restaurant, brushing snow from his long coat and hair. Heero noticed him at the same time one of the waitress did. Wasting no time he stood up. [chiisana te o furinagara taisetsu na hito no namae
o yobu] The braided teen heard him and nodded to the waitress, thanking her. Going over to Heero, he smiled before sitting down. “Nice seat you picked out Heero,” Duo commented, looking around. They were in a fairly secluded corner with a window next to them. The lights were set dimly, down to a golden glow and making the atmosphere almost romantic. “AA” Heero inclined his head slightly. The waitress from before quickly came over and after taking down both their orders she winked at Duo, who smiled politely. Heero didn’t miss the exchange but he kept quiet. It was better this way… others thinking that they were simply friends… “Heero?” He jerked up to see Duo eyeing him worriedly. “Is there something wrong?” Duo said and reached out to cover Heero’s hands. The braided boy frowned when Heero recoiled. “It’s nothing.” Duo nodded but continued to watch the other teen as he looked sadly and almost enviously out the window. Outside there were a myriad of couples, wrapped up in each other’s warmth against the cold snow. [koibito-tachi no yasashisa ni tsutsumarete kono machi
ni mo sukoshi hayai fuyu ga otozureru] Duo glanced around the restaurant and saw that everyone else was preoccupied with his or her respective partners. He scooted closer to Heero and grabbed the other’s hands. The unruly haired Japanese looked up at the American ex-pilot in mild shock and resisted for a moment before Duo pulled him close. [taisetsu na hito dakara zutto kawaranai de waratteite] Duo pressed his nose into Heero’s neck, inhaling the other’s scent before sighing. [daisuki na hito dakara zutto kimi dake o dakishimete…] “Don’t think of them. It’s only us,” he whispered. Heero burrowed into Duo’s neck as well before nodding. ~~~Later that morning~~~ Heero peered into a toy store as he waited for Duo to return. It was strange that Duo told him to wait while he went to get something. He shrugged to himself and watched the tiny train make its way around the tiny village. Heero had never seen anything like that in his life and let a small smile cross his lips. [Show-window o mitsumenagara kata o yoseau futari ga
toorisugiru] Heero stepped forward, closer to the window so that he could let them pass. //Or to avoid them…// he thought as he observed them out of the corner of his eyes. The man and woman smiled at each other as she laid her head on his shoulder. The man dipped his head to kiss her and Heero looked away, ashamed that he was spying. He closed his eyes as he exhaled deeply. [kimi no koto o machinagara shiroi toiki ni omoi o noseru] //I love Duo… very much. But we can never act like that out here.// Opening his eyes again he began to understand reality. Couples were always composed of a man and a woman whether it was people, toys, dolls, or anything. //I am… scared… I can’t possibly win against a girl. They can walk with Duo in public, together as a couple… can make a home for him. How long can we stay together like this, hiding from others…? [1] Hiding from the world?// “God Heero,” was all Heero heard before he felt Duo embrace him tightly. He was caught off guard *again*. Now it would be difficult to convince the braided teen that he was all right. “What is wrong? You’ve had this… forlorn look on your face ever since this morning.” Heero tried to smile and shook his head while he squirmed out of Duo’s hold. “It’s nothing. Just thinking.” Duo huffed quietly and took him by his hand, leading him around the corner to a deserted alley. He pressed him up against the cold brick wall. “Heero. What aren’t you telling me?” “It’s nothing! I was… thinking about the past.” It wasn’t a total lie… He *did* think about the past this morning… Duo seemed to accept that answer, knowing how much his own past hurt. Glancing around to check if they were alone, he smiled. [miageta sora ni konayuki ga maioriteitazura ni futari
no kyori o sotto chikazukeru] It was a long but soft kiss and Duo never saw the single tear that escaped Heero’s eye as the unruly haired teen confirmed in his mind that they always would have to hide their relationship from everyone else. //Duo… You would be better off with a girl…// They broke apart and Heero ducked his head so Duo couldn’t see the wet trail down his cheek. Duo, thinking that Heero was just embarrassed with the “public display of affection”, fished around in his pocket and pulled out a pair of new gloves. “Here. Finally remembered this year.” “Arigato,” Heero said, taking them and immediately putting them on. Duo smiled and stuck his hand back into the pocket, now almost empty expect for a small velvet box… They continued walking through downtown, looking inside the various stores but not buying anything. Heero watched Duo’s cheerful nature as the other pointed out the interesting items on display. He was happy on the outside, but on the inside he was slowly breaking apart. //Just… how long will this last…?// ~~~Hours later~~~ Night fell over the city and the two ex-pilots headed home. After dinner and changing into their comfortable pajamas (despite it being too early to sleep), they both sat on the couch in front of the roaring fire. Heero was seated between Duo’s parted legs, leaning back against the other’s warm body while arms were wrapped loosely around him. They stared into the fire, both deep in their own thoughts. “Did you enjoy today?” Duo whispered, breaking the silence. “AA,” Heero answered. Duo smiled and gathered the other teen up closer against him. [shizuka na yoru ni mimimoto de sasayaita ano kotoba
o mou ichido sotto tsubuyaita] “I love you Heero… You know that right?” Duo kissed Heero’s neck gently. When he moved away, he frowned slightly. In the past Heero always leaned his head towards Duo when kisses were pressed to his neck. It was a sensitive area to the Japanese, but today there was no response. Knowing that something was still wrong, despite the multiple reassurances (which he now suspected were just evasions), Duo turned Heero a bit and pushed him into a supine position on the soft cushions. It all happened in a matter of a few seconds and Heero looked up in surprise as Duo placed his hands above his shoulders, looming over him. “D-Duo?” “What are you hiding from me Heero?” Duo asked, trying to keep his anger from coming out. “Nothing! I’m not… hiding anything…” “Don’t lie to me, Heero. Don’t. Just talk to me,” Duo almost pleaded. Cobalt blue eyes lowered then closed in defeat. “Duo. What do you think of our relationship right now?” Heero asked carefully. “What do you mean? I thought… I thought we were doing okay…” Duo replied, confused. “I mean there is a chance that you could find a girl that you like, right? I just want you know that when you do, don’t hold back,” [1] Heero said softly, not meeting Duo’s eyes. “What are you saying Heero?” Duo was both shocked and hurt. “Are you saying that… that you’re just a substitute until I find a girlfriend?” [1] “I can never openly call you as my lover… not like a girl is able to.” [1] Heero finally looked up at the braided boy when his chin was grabbed and turned upwards. “I just feel like I’m pressuring you Duo. Constantly hiding…” Duo shook his head in disbelief. “Our relationship is just a burden,” Heero continued. “No Heero…” Duo whispered. “*I* am just a burden!” Heero shouted the same time Duo let out an anguish cry. “No! Stop…” the braided boy pleaded, close to tears. “It’s the truth! It--mmph!” Duo swooped down to cover Heero’s mouth. He wouldn’t let him say anymore as he fought for control while Heero weakly resisted. Duo cupped the other’s cheeks and plunged his tongue between the parted lips. When they finally parted, their breathing was harder than before. “Don’t say that Heero,” Duo whispered harshly, vainly trying to keep his tears from spilling forth. “You’re not a burden. Never,” he continued, not bothered by the trails running down his face. “I don’t care if we hide our relationship. I don’t care if we have to confine it to this very room. Just as long as I can be with you… I don’t care if I have to give up everything.” [1] Heero stared up at the other in shock. “I love you… God I love you so much…” Duo lowered himself on top of the teen and held him close. Heero finally let his own tears fall. “Gomen… I didn’t mean it…” Heero apologized. “You did,” Duo said, sniffling softly. “You’ve been thinking about it all day.” Duo got off of Heero and knelt on the floor. The Japanese teen sat up, watching the American reach into his pocket. “I’ve been meaning to wait but…” Duo pulled out a small velvet box. “Heero… would you please…” he said while hesitantly opened the box. “Marry me?” Heero’s mouth parted slightly as tears began to collect again. In the box was a pair of simple golden bands. “Heh… I bought them while looking for gloves this morning. I meant to wait,” Duo repeated. “But… Heero… I don’t want you to ever think that what we have is a burden to me. Being together with you is the best thing that ever happened in my life.” He scooted closer to the other teen. “*You* are the best thing that ever happened in my life. Don’t throw it away because of the possibility that I may find a girl.” Duo placed the box in Heero’s hands. “There is no one else…” Heero smiled through his tears. “Duo… Gomen…” He launched himself off the couch and into Duo’s waiting arms. “I’m sorry… so sorry…. I love you. Yes, I want to be with you. Yes, I will marry you…” “You won’t mind if it’s just in this small room?” Heero laughed quietly. “Iie… Not at all…” Duo sighed and tilted the other’s head up. [taisetsu na hito dakara zutto kawaranai de waratteite] And Heero did, at Duo’s softly spoken words. The braided teen took one ring out of the box and gently slipped it onto the other’s finger. Heero repeated the action with the other ring. They intertwined their hands together, both rings reflecting the fire’s light. Heero nestled closer to Duo and Duo tightened his arms around Heero. [daisuki na hito dakara zutto kimi dake o dakishimete…] Heero closed his eyes. “Tell me again?” [itsumade mo dakishimete…] “Again…” [kimi dake o dakishimete…] Tired from all the emotional strain the day had brought, Heero drifted off to sleep. Duo blinked slowly and smiled. Bracing himself against the couch, he somehow lifted his precious bundle up and made his way to their room. Duo laid Heero on the soft bed before crawling in himself. Spooning himself against the unruly haired teen’s back, Duo bestowed a soft kiss on the other’s nape and he too fell asleep. And snow continued to fall outside. Owari Notes: [1] Taken and slightly altered from “Kizuna” |
